Psychic Margaret Ruth answered a reader’s question about how to finally experience really great, long lasting relationships.
First of all thanks for the great advice! I like reading your blog and your postings here a lot! So I had a question about friendship. I see people with lifelong friends and friends that have been around forever, but I have never experienced that. So I’m wondering: how I can make my relationships with friends more permanent?
Thanks! —C.C. Salt Lake City, UT
Your question actually takes about 200 pages – plus the excellent illustrations — to fully address. I know this because I just sent my publisher the final manuscript for the book Superconscious Relationships: The Simple Psychic Truths of Perfectly Satisfying Connections. The problem is that the book’s publish date isn’t until 11/2010; otherwise this would be one of those Really Terrific questions to be answering and publicizing from a marketing perspective about a year from now. In the meantime, let me pass on some of the core metaphysical truths about generating perfectly satisfying relationships with others.
It turns out that the answer to your question is very simple. The real problem in answering is YOU. It is hard to get all parts of you going in the same directions. As you know, I tend to get a very complex type of client for my psychic readings. You complex folks tend to know what to do on an intellectual level, but then all your old habits, and old beliefs, and old hurts all contribute to make it sometimes impossible to generate ideal relationship experiences. Add to this all the cultural misinformation, or myth-information, about the nature of fulfilling human connections and it can get quite messy.
But here is what you need to know. There are only Three Things you need to do now and always to enjoy fulfilling, enriching, satisfying personal connections. Here they are:
Margaret Ruth’s three things
1. Know All of Your Truth
2. Express What is True for You
3. Others’ Reactions to Your Truth is Not Your Responsibility. You can not actually choose for the others, so do not try.
I want to pass onto you that these are really the only three things you ever need to do. There are no more requirements, if your goal is real, enriching relationships. In shorthand, you could call the Three Things: Know your truth, Speak your truth, and other’s reactions to your truth are their business. If someone can hear your truth and relate to it, you have the beginning of a connection. If a person cannot understand you (and remember, you have to understand yourself first – that is Thing 1), you really don’t want to be that close to him, do you?
If someone wants to add requirements to my Three Things (and someone always does), realize that person is most likely about my age as we of the Boomer generation tend to enjoy complications and difficulties. However, if you are one of the younger adults, you can more easily relax into how simple it really is. I am always excited and open to reducing the amount of Things necessary, but adding to the list is verboten. On the other hand, the Three Things only apply to close, personal relationships as opposed to other types such as professional, forced, impersonal or distant.
My clients, all of whom are excellent, big-hearted and intelligent people, usually still have a hang up on one or more of these Three Things. I know I do sometimes still. I would like you to start noticing how well you are accomplishing Thing 1, Thing 2 and Not doing Thing 3 (which you cannot do so don’t try to). Sometimes you can tell what you are doing wrong, such as having trouble being honest. Sometimes it is not obvious and requires much more investigation. I ask myself questions such as: Did I feel attached to or responsible for the other’s reaction? Was my communicating clear and meaningful? Did I acknowledge what was really true for me? Or did I gloss over something really true in the name of brevity, or convenience or to be nice, and now it’s bugging me?
In many ways, our close connections can be the best mirrors of where we are not quite healthy, joyful or whole, and so I encourage you to keep asking these good questions and keep reaching for relationships that are truly satisfying to you. That all is just the start of a powerful process and journey where you learning to be the most authentic you creates openings to experience the best kind of authentic relationships. There is a lot more to all of this, but for now we will all just have to wait for the dear publisher to get it all printed up and distributed.