Regulars and Shorts

Coach Jeannette: February 2008

By Jeannette Maw

Can using Law of Attraction turn frogs into princes?
by Jeannette Maw
Law of attraction practitioners know the way to attract new romance is to love themselves the way they want to be loved by another. Loving yourself creates a vibrational match for receiving love from the outside. It's a simple matter of giving yourself that which you desire from another.

But what if you've already got a partner in life who isn't "being all that he can be"? Or maybe your dream-come-true bride devolved into a shrew over time? Can law of attraction help you change someone or improve an existing relationship?

Many deliberate creation experts say you can't change another person, even with the voodoo power of your mind, because you can't create on another's behalf. Which is true. We can't control what someone else wants, nor what they attract in life. Manipulating another into change isn't likely to be successful.

That doesn't mean we can't use the practice of deliberate creation to dramatically alter the nature and experience of our relationships. Check this out:

You're already doing it

You're already using your energetic power of influence to affect those around you. This isn't something you need to be aware of before you do it – you already are. In every moment you send out a vibration that affects others.

Dr. George S. Pransky, author of "The Relationship Handbook," says the Heisenberg uncertainty principle can be applied to human relations. (That's the principle that states observing something changes it.) "Your state of mind alters the behavior of people around you," Pransky says. The way people act around us depends on whether we bring out the best or worst in others, which is driven by whether we harbor positive or negative thoughts about them.

Most of us aren't conscious that our thoughts, feelings and energy alter others. That doesn't mean it's not happening.

For example, recall a time you met up with someone who was in a dramatically good or bad mood. After just a few minutes you may have noticed your mood shifting, right? It's not that you were changed, it's that being in their field brought forth similar feelings from within you. This is "entrainment" in human relationship.

We feel the effects of our commingled energy, whether we're conscious of it or not. Pransky says, "People are like magnets, either attracting or repelling each other. As your level of goodwill rises, people become ever more cooperative."

So you already influence others according to the energy you flow. When you learn to use that power for good, instead of letting it run by default, you can dramatically improve your relationships-even if you're the only one doing it.

What do you know?

The first obstacle many of us run into when using the power of our thoughts and feelings to alter relationships is what we already "know" about our significant other.

When I "know" my boyfriend is insecure, unreasonable or inconsiderate, I create him as such. By having this knowing of him, I elicit those traits from him.

Conversely, when I alter my knowing, I allow him-in fact, energetically evoke from him-new traits, behaviors and ways of being.

In order for that to happen, though, I must relinquish my unsupportive beliefs about who and how he is. You've heard the saying that people live up to and down to our expectations? It's because our expectations are energetic invitations.

As I know (or expect) my co-worker is always late, I contribute to her lateness. As I know she is too busy, she is (at least for me). As I expect she is inconsiderate, I create an inconsiderate colleague. I elicit those qualities from her.

Releasing what I know her to be, or the negative expectations I hold, allows her to be and do something different for me.

Many believe this is how Jesus healed the sick; by looking past their disease and seeing them only as complete, whole and healthy. He didn't know them as ill, he instead saw them as he knew they were capable of being. He brought forth their perfect health from within.

So, if we see our partner as a frog, he is a frog (at least for us). If we see him as a prince, we create the space for him to leave his frog self behind and become a prince.

Putting it into practice

How can you use deliberate creation techniques to rectify a spouse who doesn't do what you want-like compliment you, initiate sex, or take responsibility in the household?

There are plenty of effective ways to address these situations, but from a law of attraction perspective, you start by making peace with what is (since resistance to what is will only reinforce more of what you don't want) and then release your knowing (along with your irritation) of "how they are."

Embrace a new knowing (i.e., belief, understanding, expectation) of him or her. Find feelings of compassion and love. Imagine how you'd like your partner to be. Imagine the appreciation you'll feel when you see changes. Maybe you can recall a time when he or she was this way.

All those steps will help you flow uplifted energy, which will call forth new ways of being from them. If there's any part of them matched up with what you're flowing, they'll deliver. It's not that you're controlling or manipulating; rather, you're just purposefully using your power of influence.

Mirror, mirror

It's interesting to note that because we can only experience what we're a vibrational match to, others reflect what we are vibrating. If you notice a lot of cranky customers, you've probably got an element of crankiness flowing within. If you're experiencing generosity from others, you can claim that quality for yourself as well.

Which means our partners can show us where our work is. If my spouse is condescending, I can check in to see how I might be condescending-whether to myself or others. When my dogs are nervous, I know I'm flowing nervousness. Our relationships offer a mirror to become consciously aware of what we're vibrating, and thus attracting.

Inside job

More helpful than anything, though, is to cultivate the practice of giving ourselves what we want from others. Instead of expecting our spouse to change so we can be happy, as author Byron Katie would say, "If you think it's so easy to make you happy, you do it."

As you cultivate your own happiness, you attract people, circumstances and opportunities that will create more reasons to be happy.

The bottom line, as author Esther Hicks (channelling Abraham in "The Astonishing Power of Emotions") says, "Nothing brings out the worst in another faster than your focusing upon it. Nothing brings out the best in another faster than your focusing upon it."

We get what we look for, so look for the best in those close to you, and you'll both be well rewarded. In fact, maybe we could flow some positive expectations about our political leaders? If we could expect great things from them, either they'll deliver – or make way for someone who can!

Jeannette Maw is a Law of Attraction coach and founder of Good Vibe Coaching in Salt Lake City.

This article was originally published on February 1, 2008.