Turban Askew: June 2007

By Steve Bhaerman

Laughter and the law of attraction: devotions to the Fu Ling masters.
-by Swami Beyondananda
Dear Swami:

I keep hearing about this Law of Attraction, but it doesn't seem to work for me. Every time I am attracted to someone, they end up being attracted to someone else. And money? Forget about it. The more I affirm, the less I seem to have. I've tried meditation, I've tried affirmations, I've read books and attended seminars but somehow the Universe doesn't seem to be getting my messages. Swami, am I missing something?

Erna Liddle
Lexington, Kentucky

Dear Erna:

You came to the right Swami with this question, because I had the same experience years ago. As a young seeker, I found myself unemployed and without money. Today, I refer to that time as my "Baroque Period" – you know, so Baroque I was Haydn from the landlord. Anyway, I knew with certainty that all I needed was to harness the power of the mind, and my needs and desires would be fulfilled. One Friday, I received a notice from the utilities company that on Monday, they would come to turn off my electricity for not paying. And so I began my intensive affirmation process that a large check I was expecting would indeed arrive by Monday. With each affirmation, I felt more confident and certain.

Sure enough, on Monday the doorbell rang. It was a huge Czechoslovakian guy who said, "I'm here to shut off your electricity." And so I learned a valuable spiritual lesson. If you want the Universe to do your bidding, you have to spell it out.

But I really learned about the Law of Attraction when I did my apprenticeship in Texas as a sacred cowpoke with the legendary master of meditation and outdoor cooking, Baba Q. Every Sunday, at his ranch the I'm OK You're OK Corral, we would have an attractor-pull where we would practice pure animal magnetism. I became a champ, and believe me, it's quite a feeling walking around with 100 or so gophers (and an occasional armadillo) stuck to you.

It was during that time (which I now refer to as my Gopher Baroque Period) that I learned something that might be of help to you. The entire problem with affirmations is that we use them to ask for what we don't have because if we already had it, we wouldn't be asking for it, would we? The problem is, that in doing the affirmation, we are first and foremost affirming we don't have something. That is the thought we are broadcasting, and the Universe dutifully sends us more of the same. That is how the Law of Attraction becomes the Law of Repulsion.

So how do you trick the Universe into giving you something you don't already have? By fully feeling that you already have it. That's right. The key to fulfillment is full-feelment. And in solving this tricky problem, I inadvertently found the secret to health, wealth, relaxation and release of worry once and for all. After years of trying to live in the now, I decided to get ahead of the game. I bought a condo in a future of my choice, and I've been living there happily waiting for the world to catch up.

Dear Swami:

Here's something I find puzzling. I've been to several of your live appearances, and you've spoken about the healing power of laughter. For most of the show you have the audience laughing loudly and uproariously. And yet – you never laugh. Are you being hypocritical, or do you know something we don't?

Cameron Yu
Boulder, Colorado

Dear Cameron:

This is an ancient tradition passed down from the ancient Chinese Fu Ling masters. To create the kind of farce field necessary to cause large numbers of people to laugh for long periods of time takes a fully-opened clown chakra and a strong laugh force. The Fu Ling masters say that the best way to preserve the laugh force is by not ejoculating.

Visit the Swami online at www.wakeuplaughing.com.

This article was originally published on May 31, 2007.