The List: 5 Things to Eat Before You Die

By Anthony

The meme from an Australian blogger caught the eye of CATALYST foodies. Read it, and send us your own "5 Things to eat before you die (in Utah)."

Daily on the Internet, bloggers write columns of opinion and personal experience ranging from news and politics to hobbies to personal diaries posted for the world to read. Even the most prolific of these writers sometimes find themselves at a loss for a topic. That’s where memes come in — a blogger composes a list or questionnaire and posts it with an invitation to fellow bloggers to also complete and post. They spread like wildfire. Here’s one such meme from an Australian blogger that caught the attention of Catalyst’s foodies. Have a read, make a list of your own five foods, and send them in for next month’s feature.

1. Something you’ve killed

I think everybody should eat something they’ve killed and it should be as far up the animal food chain as possible. Yes, yes, you should. Can’t go passing the buck all your life. Not that I’m buying into this whole great-white-hunter bollocks. I’m suspicious of people that surround themselves with every modern comfort and their way of reaching back to their ancient past just happens to be shooting something. There’s a time and a place, but any more significance placed on hunting than “killin’ stuff” is bollocks. And yeah, all right, it’s not very practical, so check with your local council and try not to stuff it up.
Actually, don’t bother, it’s just too hard.
You could buy a live lobster, kill it properly (they’re fiesty if they wake up!), and pat yourself on the back. Or go vegetarian.

2. Uni

Not the place where I spent five years faffing around doing a Philosophy and Accounting double degree, but the gonads of sea urchins. It’s like a turd wrapped in a hand grenade. So why have it? Well, it’s gorgeous, it’s like dessert for savoury people, a sweet salty buttery aromatic mousse made from the creamiest of cream. It’s sweet like a really good champagne is, that’s not really sweet at all. But why not just make a sweet, salty aromatic mousse from the creamiest cream? Because you don’t have to, because uni is perfect just as it is, untouched. And it’s something you really shouldn’t have in any rational world but you try it and it’s good, geniunely good. You can’t say that about sea cucumbers.

3. A suitably effective hallucinogenic

Not suggesting for a minute that you go out and buy these or even enjoy them in a nice pastoral setting on a sunny day but, while not the most tasty of eating experiences, they do give more ride for your dollar than any other ingestible I can think of.
What it will teach you about food is the effect that small amounts of chemicals can have on your body. Compare this with the large amounts of beer required to get up to the level of “dancing” and the tardy side effects of eating crap food,  and you can almost see the genesis of the organic food movement.
Other than that, there’s little better for appreciating how tenuous our strongly held beliefs can be—my carpet can undulate after all—and what a sharp little knife-edge of perception and reason we live on. It’ll also teach you that if things do get bad, with patience they will pass; that acceptance can trump struggle, and fear is illusory; very Tao.
Otherwise: Play dizzy whizzy and fall backwards and look at the clouds.

4. Spam and noodle casserole

God help me, the world of food is a relativist one. It’s all bloody well we’re busy, or we can’t afford this, or but I liiiike it, or ooooh what a food snob. It’s getting so hard you can’t even pop into the McDonald’s on a Saturday morning and shout you must hate your children if you’re giving them this shit anymore without someone feeling all aggrieved. Thank you Spam and Noodle Casserole because you have taught me that there are absolutes and there is evil.

5. A giant bouncy castle made of Jell-O

I don’t know if this is feasible but the thought of dying and not having eaten this just breaks my heart.  U

—Anthony from Australia, posted on a blog, Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Send your list of “Five Things to Eat (in Utah) Before You Die” (we enjoyed Anthony’s elaborations but a list will do) to Mandy Jeppsen.

This article was originally published on November 30, 2006.