Stephen King’s Groundhog Day

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Maybe if we could start over and rebrand 2020 as the Corvid Pandademic it would seem cuter and tolerable. Who wouldn’t like to be overwhelmed with frolicking magpies and pandas? As a bonus, the world’s complexities really would be black and white. The joke I wrote back in January was that the 2020 would be […]

That’s news to me: Print will go away

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I’m far more concerned about journalism. I’ve debated abortion with evangelicals and politics with demons of all afflictions, but I have never seen the hate, sarcasm and shaming as on both sides of the mask/no-mask issue. It is logic spiraling in on itself. It is like death threats against death threats. So, I’m done with […]

Masking: A survey of the mania

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In these uncertain times, one thing we know for sure: People love tacos. The grand convergence of Taco Tuesday and Cinco de Mayo caused a drive- through/pickup gridlock around the state. I heard of wait times of two hours at any food provider with a vaguely Hispanic-sounding name. Our newfound love of takeout food is […]

Numbers Game

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New stats to track Every day is Groundhog Day for dogs. The same meal, the same treat, the same walk and the same complaining humans. The most amazing thing about dogs is that they tolerate us. They will discuss this at dog parks as the era of human dystopia. Like many other non-canines around town […]

My Corona

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Let Uncle Dennis tell you a bedtime fable. “Stop crying, Jimmy. I’ve done all the research and there is only a .001% chance of a monster coming out from under your bed to eat you; sweet dreams.” You wouldn’t say this to your three-year-old who was crying in his bed, so don’t use percentages to […]

Pleasures out of place

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I’m experiencing mixed joy this week, but there is some twisted irony in knowing that the person who stole my credit card number used it to buy a home security system. I’m not complaining too much. Excessive credit card interest rates will pay for my losses and perhaps the security minded perp will end up […]

Unresolved: Predictions for the new Roaring Twenties

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If I had made any, most of my New Year’s resolutions would be dust by now. Resolutions sound too certain when most of the world is mostly conflicted and unresolved. I’ll limit my new decade bloviating to predictions. They are easy because you can claim genius by reminding people how right you were while most […]

Cold will bring us together

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Utah winters generally last November through May, adjourning for a frenetic season of road construction. It’s that time of year when we alternately curse and exalt the four-letter words, snow and cold. I’ve been a winter hater for most of my 39 years in the state. I obviously don’t hate it enough to move, but […]

Meat your maker

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Most days I do want to save most of the planet and most of the people residing on said orb, but there are so many choices. I’ve already made the biggest contribution to the planet’s health by simply not doing something: not procreating. It is going to be hard for anyone to lower their carbon […]

Countdown

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It is an old but pertinent joke. Why is there is a highway to hell, but a stairway to heaven? That should tell you something about music, life, the afterlife and the state of humor. If I can correctly recall my Catholic theology, “Limbo” would be a treadmill, which really is hell on Earth to […]

Thoughts while walking the dog

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If this is such a great economy, why do we see so many young women who can’t afford pants without holes ripped in them? The young men seem to be able to afford belts now; I don’t see nearly as many with their back pants pockets around their kneecaps. Kneecap level pockets are what cargo […]

Walking the walk

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For most of my first six decades on this planet I routinely dismissed walking as some lesser form of exercise. I belittled even “jogging” because it seemed too recreational and silly sounding compared to actual running. As a runner and triathlete I accumulated a lot of ribbons, medals, trophies and sports injuries. Wading  into the […]

Love it & live it

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The yuks come easy when someone says, “I’m going to X-place” and you say, “Oh I’m sorry.” Or you can always refer to your birth city as “A nice place to be from.” Completing the rule of comedy thirds, you could also refer to X as the “armpit of Y” for a guaranteed guffaw. I […]

 
 
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