It's all about finding the right vibe.
Relationships are the crux of life. Everything we think, say or do occurs in the context of relationship, whether it’s with a love interest, family member, colleague, neighbor, higher power, self, or nature in general. Mastering the art of relationship allows for a life that works in all areas, transforming less than satisfying parts and strengthening areas we rely on to thrive.
Are you aware of your power to create a new or transform an existing relationship using the Law of Attraction? For those not familiar with this law, simply put, it’s a universal principle dictating that “like attracts like.” Everything in the universe is made of energy; energy vibrates, and those vibrations attract like vibrations. As you vibrate, you attract.
Accordingly, everything you experience is something you attracted in accordance with your vibration. (Your vibe is composed of your feelings, driven by your thoughts.) In fact, your entire world is a reflection of what you vibrate. In order to change what’s happening on the outside (love life, career, health, enjoyment of the world overall), you change the inside; that is, change your vibe.
Who are you attracting?
My 41-year-old sister-in-law, who I love dearly, has a habit of being neglected and hastily dumped by each man she dates. (Fourteen times in a year and a half since her divorce.) Yet she’s an attractive, loving, generous woman! Is she an innocent victim of a daft male population (her theory) or is she attracting relationships in perfect alignment with her vibration (smart money bet)?
You may have seen her routine before: She approaches each new love interest with a subconscious fear and assumption that he won’t like her once he knows her. Even before their first date, she’s braced for rejection. And guess what happens? She feels rejected, over and over again.
She gets what she vibrates.
A girlfriend just started her third job in the two years we’ve known each other. At each company she finds herself on the defensive of an irrational employer who doesn’t respect her. Already in the first three weeks of her new position she’s experiencing the same pattern with her new boss. Coincidence? Not so much.
When he moved in with me, Verrall left a neighborhood where he was good friends with everyone on the block. Within two months he had closer relationships with my neighbors than I did, and they quickly became some of his favorite people. When he later moved into his own place, within a few days he was on a first name basis with a half dozen new neighbors. Former neighbors treat him like gold to this day. His consistent “neighbor love” vibe suits him well.
It’s all about you
Your relationships (or lack of them) are a reflection of what you think and feel (that is, vibrate). Specifically, the people in your life mirror what you’ve got going on internally, which makes you responsible for what you experience in others. If you have a relationship you’d like to transform, it starts with you—and what you’re vibrating.
Remember that like attracts like, so when we change what we think and feel, the people in our lives must reflect that change. Undoubtedly you’ve seen this phenomenon in effect before: You expect someone to react negatively and they do. You worry someone will be late and they are. You trust someone to deliver, and they do. You doubt they will, and they don’t. People live up to and down to our expectations all day long.
So if your husband doesn’t romance you the way you prefer, a supervisor or co-worker makes your job a living hell, or a family member creates havoc in your life—the solution isn’t figuring out how to get them to change or go away. The solution lies in changing what you vibrate. Until you change what you’re vibrating, you’ll experience the same things with others in your life.
The power of
changing your vibe
What are you feeling when your roommate takes the last soda from the fridge or runs a load of hot laundry as you start a shower? Irritated, maybe resentful? In that moment, and every other moment you dwell on it, you’re vibrating irritation and resentment. As you vibrate irritation, you’re attracting more experiences to irritate you. She gets a parking ticket in your car, comes up short on rent payment, invites her loud boyfriend to stay over when you want space. The universe is amazingly creative in delivering situations to match what you vibrate.
How do you get your roommate to stop irritating you? Remember it’s not about her; this is your vibration attracting your experiences, situations and circumstances. She can’t show up as irritating if you aren’t vibrating it. So you release the feeling of “irritated.” You take your attention off what’s irritating, and focus on something that feels better. Easier said than done, I know. But the more you practice, the better you’ll get.
As you redirect your attention, you change your vibration. Instead of getting caught up in what you don’t like about what she’s doing, what do you like? What do you want? Hold that in mind. As you think about what you like about her and/or what you want from her, you’re vibrating appreciation and the universe responds to that by bringing you more things to appreciate.
Here’s another way to release the “irritation” vibe: Choose to feel differently. Your feelings are a choice, you know. Most of us don’t exercise that choice, but it is a powerful way to transform a relationship.
If instead of getting upset when my date arrives late, I redirect thoughts to appreciate that he’s driving, that he’s willing to pick me up even though it’s out of his way. I remember that he’s worth waiting for, and that my clock is probably fast anyway. As I do that, I create a completely different vibration which allows for a completely different date. Maybe he arrives on time in the future, or if not, I’m not as bothered by it.
When you catch yourself with an irritating thought about your roommate, remember what you appreciate. Maybe she’s gifted with a sense of humor that always makes you laugh, supports you by working out together, or makes great coffee.
Once you learn to consistently redirect your attention to what you like, you’ll find your feelings about this person improving significantly. From that place it’s much easier to elicit behavior that suits you by focusing on what you want instead of what bothers you.
Who’s in charge here?
Does this mean you can change the way a person behaves toward you simply by changing the way you think about them? Well, see for yourself. Whether their behavior changes towards you, or you change your response to it, or they make an exit from your world—when you change what you’re feeling inside, the people around you have to reflect it.
This is why some relationships end when one partner forges ahead on a spiritual path. If someone is way out of your vibrational range, they can’t fit in your world. It’s why James Ray (contributor to “The Secret” movie) carries thousands of dollars in his wallet without fear of being mugged; he’s not a match to mugging. It’s why my ex doesn’t lock his doors; he’s not a match to robbery. It’s why Byron Katie (author of “Loving What is”) hasn’t had a negative thought in years; her vibration doesn’t allow it.
When you change what you vibrate, the Universal Law of Attraction requires that your experiences match the vibration. So moving your internal dial from “irritated” to “pleased” means the world must begin pleasing you. And if your roommate isn’t a match to pleasing you, she’ll become someone else’s roommate.
By releasing feelings of anger and replacing them with peace, you find yourself in fewer situations that arouse your anger and in more that foster peace. Even people who are naturally anger-arousing will behave differently with you.
But don’t take my word for it—put it to the test! Try it for yourself and see what happens. Whether it’s with your boss, your toddler or your sweetie, when you change what you’re feeling about them, they’ll show up differently for you.
Mr. (or Ms.) Right
If you don’t have an existing relationship to transform, but would like to create one from scratch, here’s how to start.
Begin by knowing what you want. Get clear about what type of person you want to attract into your life. Whether it’s a lover, friend, neighbor or even a pet—write down the qualities you want them to possess. What are they like? What makes them tick? What do you love most about them?
Create a clear vision about the type of relationship you want with this person. You can do that by visualizing it, creating a symbolic representation of it (vision boards are popular these days), writing about it, or talking about it as if it already existed. This is Deliberate Creation 101.
Create an even more powerful point of attraction for the relationship you want by following these tips:
• Activate the vibration today. How will you feel when you have this person in your life? Elated? Content? Fulfilled? Find ways to feel that way now. As you do, you align vibrationally with your desired relationship, allowing it to manifest quickly and easily.
• Be that person you want in your life. You want someone to treat you well? Treat yourself well. You want someone who is considerate, optimistic and understanding? Be that person, to yourself and others. Again, it puts you in alignment with what you want.
• Love yourself unconditionally. Since everything happening outside of us is a reflection of how we feel inside, it serves us well to create a healthy relationship with our Self. When we love, appreciate and accept ourselves 100%, the world reflects that same unconditional love, appreciation and acceptance back.
So be good to yourself. If there’s something you really don’t think you can love about yourself, change it. As you accept and appreciate yourself fully, the world loves you back—and that’s a nice life to live.
As you recognize your responsibility for the relationships you create in life, you gain control of the reins to create what you want. Remember it’s all an inside job, originating with your thoughts and feelings, which you have the power to choose. Choose well, friends!
Jeannette Maw is an attraction coach and founder of Good Vibe Coaching in Salt Lake City. Learn free strategies and tips to get what you want from her ezine at www.goodvibecoach.com.