Here’s how to really help.
by Jeannette Maw During the holiday season in particular, our minds turn to "those less fortunate." How can we help? Usually we write a check.
But often the help we think we offer achieves the exact opposite result: reinforcing the disempowered state we had hoped to allay.
Seems contradictory. How could an action intended to help solve a problem do the opposite?
As usual, it’s all about the vibration. A problem, issue or situation can’t be solved financially. It can only be resolved vibrationally. No matter how much money or assistance or resources we pour on a problem, the reality of it won’t – indeed, can’t – shift until the vibrations that created it change.
Intuitively we recognize this. Sometimes it doesn’t feel good to help one who portrays themselves as helpless. Doing so is like saying "I’ll do this for you because you can’t do it yourself." That message confirms their inability to do so, which strengthens their misalignment with the truth of who they are. Doesn’t help them; doesn’t help us.
We all have examples of this we could draw on to confirm. A friend spent almost two years struggling to make her mortgage payment. Virtu_ally every month I felt obligated to help her cover the shortage. Some_times it was an outright gift, or pre-payment for a future service; sometimes it was just to get off the phone to stop hearing about her impossible situation.
Never once did passing that money along feel good. I never thought, "Wow, I’m doing a good thing here! This is really helping!" Giving that financial aid wasn’t uplifting or inspired.
You know why? Because it doesn’t feel good to contribute to the disempowerment of another person.
And that’s what we do when we believe someone is incapable of helping themselves. We disempower them.
Esther Hicks (channeling Abra_ham) says, "Disempowerment is providing for anyone options other than their personal alignment." Offering money, or to do it for them, or excusing them from it just adds to their perception of powerlessness.
What truly helps
How can we offer support when we feel inspired to make a positive impact on someone else’s situation?
We know it isn’t simply a matter of throwing money at the problem. My above-mentioned friend offers a perfect example: Despite receiving financial support from various friends and family members over a lengthy period of time (not to mention working day and night), she still lost her house to the bank. Even as she lives rent-free with a sibling, her financial challenges continue. Now she’s worried the bank will repossess her SUV.
The reason money can’t resolve her situation is because receiving it (or even earning it) doesn’t automatically change her vibration. As long as she flows energy that lines her up with lack and scarcity, it doesn’t matter how much money pours into her world; she can only attract more situations of lack and scarcity. (Wouldn’t it be nice if money could buy a better vibe!)
Since it’s the energy that needs shifting before results can change, the best way to support someone’s shift is to flow supportive energy their way. That means seeing them how we want them (and they want) to be. Instead of looking at them as if they were coming up short or getting it wrong or in big trouble, we see them as successful, powerful and fulfilled.
We support their alignment and help them realize their true power. We hold in mind the results we want, not the problem as it stands because problem energy cannot lead to a solution. Solution energy leads to solutions. Money in and of itself is neither the problem or solution – it’s the energy we give it with that dictates what impact, if any, it will have. Again, money itself is not the automatic solution.
Yesterday I participated in a controversial conversation on Twitter (online microblogging site) with a big-hearted gentleman who was soliciting funds on behalf of two impoverished women. One woman was on disability, the other a breast cancer survivor; both in jeopardy of becoming homeless. He believed their situations would dramatically and permanently improve simply with an influx of financial support.
While it’s true that having someone in your corner could potentially significantly improve your feeling state, it isn’t a given. In volunteering with disadvantaged single moms, I have noticed that my support in their lives didn’t necessarily (or even usually) alter their worldview. As long as they saw themselves as disadvantaged and getting the short end of the stick, that’s all they can attract more of.
My point is that taking any action on behalf of or in regard to another without considerating the vibration (aka energy) that’s present is a great way to waste time and bring on frustration when results don’t appear. Take the example of local nonprofit organization No More Homeless Pets of Utah: $9 million in grants over a five-year period barely put a dent in the euthanasia rate of adoptable animals in statewide shelters. $9 million!
Esther/Abraham tells us: "When you offer money to try to compensate for vibration that’s out of whack, there’s not enough money in the world to compensate for vibration that’s out whack. Action can’t compensate for vibrational discord." It’s the vibration, the understanding that must be changed. We can’t fix it with action. It can only be fixed with the solution of vibrational alignment. That means taking our attention off the problem and putting it on the end results we desire.
Our best opportunity to be of effective support is to help another connect with their alignment to who they really are, to help them know their capacity and worth. We do that by seeing them how they may not yet see themselves – as powerful creators already successful in achieving what they desire.
This doesn’t mean our donated dollars and other resources can’t be productive. Our financial gifts can be especially effective if we simply focus on the end result we want and hold the intention that our investment has a strong positive impact. Sending someone a positively aligned thought is the most powerful gift we can give.
So, as you make year end donations and deliver gifts this month, instead of giving out of obligation or focusing on the "problem" at hand, see the person or situation as empowered and successful and hold the intention that your gift supports the end result desired. Allign your own energy. It’s a worn out analogy but an accurate one: We gotta put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before we attempt to serve anyone else.
Maintaining your own alignment is imperative if you wish to serve another. Give yourself what you need to emanate a high-level vibration. Your own best self is a unique and powerful gift for the rest of the world, no matter who you are!
Jeannette Maw is a Law of Attraction coach and founder of Good Vibe Coaching in Salt Lake City. www.goodvibecoach.com